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After listening to his tried pick up line in American-accented Portuguese, I cut him off and bluntly asked him in English where he was from.Shocked, he laughed and said, “I totally thought you were Brasilian.” He wouldn’t be the first to make the assumption.What followed was a “first” to remember, as we took our time kissing and exploring each other’s bodies for the first time.While I know I wasn’t the first black woman he ever had sex with, he was the first White American that I had ever let into such an intimate space.We yearn to embrace our sexual bliss, and yet have allowed what our mothers, grandmothers, aunties, and sister-friends have said about “them” keep us from pursuing something new.We know how hard it is to fight against the stereotypes of black women as lascivious, innately promiscuous, and even predatory, deviants— and yet we feel more than justified in projecting our own labels on others, unfairly sizing up men and defining their capabilities between the sheets (or lack thereof) based on what so-and-so- said instead of considering the realities of the individual that just might be the guy who can makes your toes curl.” My toes curled, more than once. And even though I doubt me and this kid from Jersey will ever be more than just friends due to our chosen life paths (he’s ready to settle in one place and pursue a serious relationship, I want to keep traveling and find a partner who is willing to go with me), it was still worth giving us the opportunity to share intimacy, a deeper level of connection, and now, a stronger friendship.So when I finally allowed myself to sexually enjoy and explore men of other races and cultures, I found these stereotypes blatantly untrue, just as several of the Black men that I had shared my body with didn’t live up to the Mandingo standard.

While young Black men certainly enjoyed relationships with young White women in my town, Black girls rarely were seen exploring the same types of relationships. But the opportunities weren’t equal or treated the same.

The sex was focused primarily on my pleasure, and he wasn’t lacking in anyway to be able to deliver it.

But it did make me reflect on why I had limited myself for so long to just having sex and dating Black men or never challenging the popular stereotypes.

We spent the following days hanging out, walking the beach, but still keeping things platonic.

He had met and pursued a local Brasilian girl who was beyond sweet.

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