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“Be careful not to create a FWB relationship with a girl who has a crush on you,” Burton says.“Even if she agrees to the terms, she may hope that you’ll eventually want a relationship with her.” Also, avoid family friends and co-workers.

The friendship-first approach is not an isolated theory. Our existing friends have always been our best source of referrals.

“I’ve had a longtime FWB from my hometown and it works because we limit our hookups,” says Lana, 27. “I had a friend with benefits in my group of college friends,” says Mike, 28.

“If we’re with mutual friends and one of us is tired, we’ll never ask the other to stay or meet later. “We always watched college football together, and one day a guy friend straight-up asked us if we were sleeping together.

Sex and romance can definitely still happen in the context of friendship-first dating, but they are never assumed or expected, and the top priority is always to understand and validate someone’s existing preferences and goals rather than imposing your own goals and expectations upon them.

The concept of being “friendzoned” on an implicit expectation of sex, because it posits friendship as a suboptimal outcome instead of being a worthy end in and of itself.




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