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Until I began to deal with the primary emotion, I would become angry.

He trained me to stop myself at the primary emotion before I became violent and angry.

He changed my life so much but I can't remember [his name]...

What he told me is that anger is a secondary emotion.

I would kind of dissolve into online chat rooms and forums instead of making connections in real life. Looking back on it, looking back on where I was and what I know now about psychology since I got my degree, I can see that I just wasn’t able to trust anyone enough to talk to them about what was really wrong with me.

From 11 to 14, I tried to kill myself at least a half a dozen times. I don’t want to blame it on my family because they did try. And nobody could help because I didn’t want to get help. I felt that I deserved these feelings that I had, that it was my fault because I was ugly or I was fat or I was whatever.

I hear my mom say, “Well, it’s good I sold it then.”And then I learned two things. that’s why I couldn’t find the gun when I went looking for it, and b).

that I wasn’t worthless because I had saved my father’s life, and that he had been experiencing feelings of wanting to end his life as well.

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As an adult, I realize that I can choose my company and I didn’t really have that choice as a kid, ‘cause you have your peers, the people who ride on the bus with you, you know? But as an adult, I don’t have to take it, and I think that was one of the big takeaways from growing out of—I guess I wouldn’t say growing out of, but evolving from where I came from.[...]Des: You mentioned you were in therapy but you had these attempts. I’m in contact with Collective Action for Safe Spaces and Everyday Sexism, and just being a part of that online community is really helpful when it comes to dealing with the anxiety of being harassed.I have to go through the search again, now that I have health insurance, to find a therapist to deal with the guilt because I’m finding that the guilt and the anxiety are becoming a problem to where I believe that I’m probably gonna need to see somebody again, which is...it kind of leads into current events because it makes me so happy that the Obama administration is realizing that mental health is a serious problem and that, instead of ostracizing and alienating people with mental health problems, we need to embrace them and help them.It was New Year’s Eve and I got a call from my friend’s house that my sister had overdosed and she was in the hospital in a coma. My sister was on this whole concoction of antidepressants and antipsychotics, and I just had counseling.[These are] the kind of problems my family was dealing with, so I ended up just internalizing everything because my parents were frantic dealing with my sister, and all the anger and feeling worthless were just left inside to fester. I never took any medication, but I never opened to anyone.

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