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But then, I only took one psych course in college……I like to keep things simple.

All I want, to use an old-fashioned term, is a girlfriend.

I know a man in his position needs an understanding girlfriend who’s not going to make big drama if he has to cancel plans at the last minute, and, because my life is relatively stress-free, I can be pretty flexible (I’m pretty easygoing anyway.)But lately his family have been visiting (they live in another country,) and he’s magically found time to spend first with his parents, and then with his sister. I thought we were working towards something serious, but my confidence has been really shaken. 1) Your boyfriend doesn’t have much time or energy to give to your relationship.

Are you content coming in third after his kids and career? If he lets you go, you saved yourself a lot of time and angst. What matters is that you have a happy, healthy, nurturing relationship that’s slowly growing into something more. But if its coming up on a year and there is still the compartmentalizing, I’d have to rethink it. It’s one thing to be the cool, nurturing, patient girlfriend IF your needs ARE getting met. It’s not being self-centered to walk away because you need more; it’s centered.

I’m not fully convinced, however, that your relationship is strong.

First of all, kudos to you for a few reasons: you’re self-aware – you’re trying to be cool, patient, and nurturing – and you’ve internalized the lessons of “Why He Disappeared.” But one of the key points in “Why He Disappeared” is that you can do everything PERFECTLY, but if the guy is not in the right place to give, there’s nothing you can do. Listen, I’m no single father, but I’ve had many clients who are single parents and are torn in a million directions. So what it really comes down to is this: are you satisfied with what your boyfriend can give to you?

I’m usually pretty nurturing, and what I struggle with is making sure I don’t get walked all over.

I’m dating a guy at the moment who’s a divorced single father with limited access to his young son. We’ve been together for four months and he told me very quickly (in month one) that he considered me his girlfriend.




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