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And that was true — the beach is a big draw for our friends, and the other guys are party boys, too. I panicked because it meant the entire office was already out partying. I didn't know which restaurant they'd gone to, so I had no way to find out if he was okay. His speech was seriously slurred, and a party was clearly going on in the background. When I heard car wheels crunch in the driveway, I woke up with a start. Looking out the window, I saw Jack's car pulling into the garage, with him behind the wheel. That's just the way my generation approaches alcohol. She has always been the center of her parents' attention, and she expects the same treatment from me. I come home exhausted, and she starts in on how I need to spend quality time with her and the kids.

Everybody seems to accept all this drinking as normal. "Then, last December, Jack decided to throw an office Christmas party for his staff at a restaurant near his office. I tried Jack's cell phone but got only voice mail there, too. I spoke very calmly and begged him to take a cab home. "When I went to bed at midnight, Jack still wasn't home. "Before kids, all I heard was that she wanted to be able to stay home with them. This new part-time job helps some, but she still seems to need more than I can give.

"The night Jack drove home totally drunk from an office party was the last straw," said Claudia, 44, a youthful-looking mother of two.

"I don't want to be a widow and I don't want our kids to be fatherless. It's true, as he likes to point out, that he doesn't drink every day. He never outgrew the college tradition of staying sober all week long, then getting wasted on the weekend.

He'd say there was no problem because he was in his own home and didn't have to drive. Please — I'm on my own property with no need to drive. "Drinking for me is purely social; I do it to have fun. She's turned into a first-class nag, and not just about my alcohol consumption, either.

He'd also point out that nobody else seemed to care, that everyone kept coming back to our parties. We all used to binge on weekends in college, and I guess that's still my pattern. Much of the problem stems from the fact that she's spoiled.

He said that he liked to have a good time but knew his limits and would never be irresponsible. Like my parents, they are purely social drinkers, people who indulge in a cocktail or a glass of wine every now and then. I figured our role models were similar and that he would evolve into the same kind of moderate drinker I consider myself to be. I told him he had jeopardized not only his life but the lives of everyone else on the road and his kids' future. He gave me his maddening little shrug, then said he'd see a shrink if I insisted but that I was exaggerating the problem. "True, driving home from that party after I'd had a few too many showed poor judgment.

"The next day at brunch, I voiced my concerns to Jack, but he just laughed and told me not to worry. I just hope he loves me and the kids enough to stop this dangerous habit." "Claudia is blowing this issue way out of proportion," said Jack, a friendly man of 46.

I'd try to get him to talk in the evenings, but he'd just shrug and turn on the TV. We'd have beach parties every weekend in the summer, and Jack would get totally hammered.

He's a 'happy drunk' and he'd make an idiot of himself in front of the kids and our guests -- telling stupid jokes, flirting with other guys' wives, singing off-key, and generally embarrassing himself.

"The first warning bells went off at a reunion with Jack's college friends.

They kept cracking up about the stupid stuff they used to do when they were drunk, like run around the rugby field naked in a snowstorm.




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