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Overcoming a breakup is hugely dependent on your self-esteem – you either need to have it, or you need to use the breakup as an opportunity to start developing it.Chasing someone down will not give you self-esteem – it will break it.Let it burn – I now have that Usher song stuck in my head.Grieve the loss of your relationships and let them go. Baggage Reclaim is a guide to learning to live and love with self-esteem by breaking the patterns that stand in your way.

When your breakup bonfire starts, it’s actually catching on to the embers that you’ve been stoking from previous breakups and experiences – you’re already in pain and now you have even more pain.

8) How much time and energy is spent trying to have an illusion of control by tracking them on Facebook, Twitter, dating sites, or tapping up colleagues and mutual friends for info. 9) How much you occupy your life and how you cope with boredom, off days, conflict with other people – coming to a standstill, not having productive uses for your mind and time to reduce rumination, being unable to deal with the inevitable bad days and weeks that everyone has, and not being able to handle criticism and conflict, are often enough to trigger a fall off the wagon.

Learn how to deal with these and you won’t try to self-soothe on your pain source.

If there’s problems with work, family, or even a current separation, you’re likely to attempt to avoid another problem or loss to deal with, to give yourself an illusion of control.

4) How much you blame and even punish you – if you absorb all of the blame, you are guaranteed an immense amount of pain.

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