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Being empathetic means recognising that they’re hurting but may be finding it hard to deal with it.

There may have been no ill intention and that they were and are interested in you, it’s just they overestimated how ‘ready’ they are for a relationship.

It means thoughts popping into your head when you least expect them that you may feel like you have no control over.

It means crying unexpectedly or feeling a sudden surge of anger or a deep wave of sadness.

You’d recognise that it’s a confusing and painful time, but reason that they’re ‘confused’ and that if you give them enough time, they’ll forget their ex.

You will make too many assumptions about their motivations and the meaning of their actions and even tell yourself that you know what they’re thinking – you don’t.

Empathy allows you to consider another person’s perspective – if you make it about your feelings, it’s your perspective, which when you deny, rationalise, and minimise the truth so that you can remain in a situation, turns it into a fantasy. Genuine compassion for someone in a difficult situation does not always boil down to doing the easy thing, especially if you doing that, is more about keeping you in your own comfort zone – you may do more harm than good, including to yourself.

You’d recognise that not being over your ex, in whatever guise it takes, means still emotionally tied, whether it’s positively or negatively.

It means that you might still be in touch with them, a reunion may still be under negotiation, and that you may be putting a lot of effort in to not making contact or swatting off their efforts.

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