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In a way, it’s a privilege to practice the laws of niddah — a privilege denied to all who are not married.

“I feel like the commandments specifically designed for me as a woman are not something I can do.

Practicing niddah also involves getting to immerse in the mikveh, the ritual bath, and purify one’s self.

While some might see the laws of niddah as a burden, a woman who follows them is considered to be doing a religious deed or good works, akin to lighting the Sabbath candles or keeping kosher.

As a result, they end up feeling isolated, not just at weddings or other family milestone events, but every week.

The ritual of sharing a Shabbat meal with family, friends or community members is a cornerstone of Orthodox culture.

Naomi said that she’s taken on the responsibility of organizing and hosting some of her single friends, but she’s “tired of always being the one to make the meals” and “wishing the families I knew would invite me.” Toby also said that Shabbat has become lonely and, thus, a burden.

“I would much rather be going out than sitting in my apartment,” she said. They don’t see me as someone they can be friends with, because I’m not in their life station.” If this divide between singles and marrieds remains, it may hurt the modern Orthodox community at large — not just its single congregants.

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“You’re also taught you’re supposed to love Shabbat, and I don’t.” Naomi said she has sensed that, if couples were to invite her for Shabbat, they would feel pressured to have other single people come, too. “They could invite me, but then they don’t know who to invite me with, so, I think they just don’t,” she said. At best, single women have less of an incentive to be active participants if they are not viewed as such.

At worst, they leave the community, as some women said their single friends have.




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